Saturday, July 30, 2005
Song : Third Day " Nothing Compares"
3.20am .... wide aWake.... broken heart .... pain eyelids..... remorsly guilt stricken........
Finished watching the show " Sweet November" acted by Keanu Reeves and Charlie Theron..... its abt how they really love each other but can never be becoz she is down with Cancer.. She left him and told him that he will always have her ..... in his mind and she will always love him... just like said " Do Death DO Us Part "
I was stricken.... i wasnt the gd lookIng boy next door, wasnt smart , wasnt cute .. wasnt anything a girl would like and yet God gave me someone special 4 years ago.. i din cherish anything. I let everything slipped out of my hands.. honestly during the whole time, i truely love her.. shes the first girl dat i wanted to marry out of all my girlfrends and of coz everynight spend together was great... especially the night when she stayed over and layed on my shoulder while i watch soccer ( The thing i love e most after God ) .... this is the life i dream of... to have God , Soccer and Wife ... all in One............call me selfish but wat can i be blamed for?
Everything Ended.... ppl change... i broke one of the commandments and the reason why i told her " i wish u all the best and pray that u and ian will have a gd future" was mainly becoz i knew i did her too much wrong and dun deserve her.... i was like introducing and tell her that Ian is a gd guy... definitly so much better than me..... but why did i do it ? We were suppose to marry at the Church of Newcastle , England...... we were suppose to name our kids natalie and Jeremiah.... she was suppose to see me POP from BMT training at Tekong..... we were suppose to go overseas roadtrip like e past...... we were suppose to do live and die and our graves been laid beside each other...... Everything crumbled due to me submitting to the temptations from the devil.
I went out and dated 2 other girls ... marvelous girls after me and her broke up but none was satisfying as compared to her.... none knew me as much as she did.... the love they gave was as much but yet i could not reciprocrate.... have i been numbed in the world of dating ? i dunno.. Everyday now in my life... i am told that this girl this and that girl dat... but i dun seem to care.. i dun seem to wanan be involved with another heart breaking incident.... i dun think i am prepared becoz the next girl i wana be with... i must be prepared to treat her like my princess... i abstain and stayed away from all the possible candidates of relationships and it is successful. But at times when i am down .... both spiritually and mentally... how i wish i have someone over the phone telling me and encouraging me .... something onli a love one would do.
If ur are the she who i am mentioning... u should know i do love u .... i have to let go and it wasnt a easy decision by me.. forgive me if i ignored ur msn ... forgive me if i blocked u .... forgive me dat i din call anymore.... forgive me for e sins i have done.... its not becoz i dun wanan try again.. but its just that i cant face u anymore.... so how much i wish to buy a plane ticket to see u ... knock at ur door.. give u a rose and a box of red heart chocs... but i cant ..... coz i have wished u all the best ....
I have to sleep now... the title is for u, in french .. for this special one... for this dat i will nv forget ... we may have splited but u will never leave my heart.. for my heart contains u... ur memories... and till e day another girl manage to find the key to empty it , i dun think its gonna be gone .. its never gonna be easy. Take care and gdnite and God bless..
PS : I have to thank ZX for listening to me... thanks
posted @ 3:20 AM
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